King Charles of Spain

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Charles wasn’t just any king—he was the result of a family tree that looked more like a family wreath. His parents were uncle and niece. Yes, you read that right. The Habsburg dynasty married inside the family so much that Charles had more inbreeding in his genes than a pug has wrinkles. By the time he was born, his body had given up. He couldn’t speak properly until he was four. He didn’t walk until he was eight. He had a jaw so big that he couldn’t chew his food—he just swallowed it whole like a pelican.

Imagine trying to order a pizza with that jaw. “I’ll have… mmmph… pepperoni.” The poor guy was a walking cautionary tale about marrying your cousin. His own mother had to feed him like a baby when he was a teenager. It’s honestly kind of heartbreaking, but also a little funny in a dark way—like a royal version of a sitcom where everything goes wrong.

He Didn’t Rule, He Survived

Now, here’s the part where we get relatable. Have you ever had a boss who was technically in charge but had no idea what was going on? That was Charles. He didn’t make big decisions. He was like a Wi-Fi router that’s blinking but not actually connecting to the internet. His mother and his courtiers ran the show, and poor Charles just shuffled around in his fancy clothes, probably thinking, “Why does everybody keep staring at me?”

40 Odd Facts About the Inbred King Charles II of Spain

He was so weak that he spent most of his time in bed, and when he did get up, he’d often fall over. One historian described his walking like “the swaying of a palm tree in a gentle breeze.” He was the OG “I’m not feeling it today” energy. We all have those mornings, right? But for Charles, every day was a Tuesday morning before coffee.